I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
