My liver just broke up with me...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
