if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This is the high leading the old right now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
