Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
