i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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