hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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