my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
