I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
