no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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