I must be too annoying 4 u.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
