Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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