i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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