My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
