Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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