i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
