was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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