it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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