Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
