I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
