Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
