If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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