no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
