Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
