I wish I could teleport
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
