And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
