Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
