Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
