Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
