I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think people are normalizing furries
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
