Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
