omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
