Your mouth is God's brothel.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
