btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
