yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They are going to name an STD after you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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