A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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