Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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