The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How external is "for external use only"?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
