dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Rumble strips road head = magical
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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