how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
