you would pick up someone in the library
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
