There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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