I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
pray to the hookup gods
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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