butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
