Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
