1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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