I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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