i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
