Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
