Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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