Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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