Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
