Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
