that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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