can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was CRYING into my vagina
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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