apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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