i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
