She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
