my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
